August 17, 2008

What is Love?

Even after having experienced a couple of love relationships, having been married for six years, after having watched and read so many love stories, I think I am still not sure what is love? No I don’t mean that I don’t believe in love. I believe in love, I have felt it, feel it, love it; it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s just that am still confused about the various ways in which love is defined or expressed – that true love happens only once in a life time, love is immortal, love is giving, love means no expectations, first love etc. Is it really as simplistic and as noble as it is made to be or is it multidimensional like most things in life?
It’s said that first love is special, yes it is. But the first time don’t we all fall in love with idea of being in love or do we actually fall in love with the other person? At least I was in love with this idea of being in love. If I think of that guy now, there isn’t anything that I like about him except for that the fact that he was my first love. But this phase is unforgettable for most people. It gives you a lot of your ‘first times’ – the first time you said ‘I love you’, first date, first kiss, first love letter etc. You want to enjoy all the things that you fantasized till now. There is this simple innocence in this first love, it’s actually love with oneself more than anything else, and what can be more genuine and honest than love with one’s own self. The other person is just a medium to introduce to you, your own ‘lovable self who wants to fall in love’. Hence yes, this idea of being in live, was, is & always will be truly special.
Also is love momentary or is it truly eternal? Isn’t this feeling that you love someone so much that you can’t live without him or her, a very momentary feeing? When you love someone so passionately that you want him to be around all the time, isn’t this a very momentary thought. And if it isn’t, then when you do live without the person or spend most time without the person, does it make this an untrue love. I sometimes think love is momentary but it still isn’t untrue, it is as true as truth can get for that moment. At that moment you honestly feel passionately about the other person and don’t wish to live without them. This is the truth of that moment. It is as pure as it can get coz anyway nobody knows tomorrow. When I look back, one of my past relationship didn’t materialize to be eternal but I still think there was true love, there still is, even though we happily live without each other, loving equally passionately some other people. Love is eternal, but it’s this feeling of love which is immortal and not necessarily the relationship.
This brings me to my next question –Does true love happen only once, with one person? I am not sure. Love is when you like being around some one, it is when you like doing things for someone else, it is when you like dressing up for someone, it’s when you feel like loving your own self, it’s a feeling of joy. And this joy can happen to a person more than once at different points in life. You meet different people in your lifetime, you seem to make a connection with them, and this connection is different every time. Each time it satisfies a different hidden need. Sometimes a need that you yourself didn’t know existed. A human being is complex; there are various emotions, needs, facets within a same person. When one facet of you finds a compatible partner facet in another person at a given time, love happens! It sounds like a theory but it is exactly that. What makes a marriage is when you are ready to ignore the other not so compatible facets for the sake of the ones which are compatible & more joyous. Hence there is nothing like true love, there is just love or no love. And this love happens with many people in one lifetime, at different ages and stages of life. It takes different forms each time, sometimes marriage, sometimes friendship and sometimes just silence.
Similarly is love about loving the other person or is it about wanting to be loved by the other person? I don’t believe that there can be love without any expectations of love in return. I love the people who I would like to be loved by. I may accept that I may never be loved by the other person but it still doesn’t kill my desire to be loved by the other person. In this desire, lies love. The reality is that just the thought of being loved by the other person brings a smile, makes one happy. In this thought, lies love.
Many more such thoughts make me feel love is multi-dimensional. Hence to each one, it is its own and it still is as lovable each time for every one and that is the beauty about love.
If my thoughts trigger a thought of your own, do write a comment. I love to read your comments.

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